SLE Sports

THE SL ENQUIRER REPRESENTS FULLY AT BAD AZZ GYM AUCTION.

In my travels around SL, I come to a lot of places that are starting small. Some will be discontinued, some will become massive, most are somewhere in between. It always pleases me to see an enterprise turn the corner. I recently learned that my friends at Bad Azz Gym had started a new venture, and I happily accepted there invitation to attend their auction.... as it also seemed like a time when no one would actually be doing any Ultimate Fighting or anything, because I literally got my ass beat about 5 times when I was there last.

Bad Azz Gym recently relocated to a region called Vegas Live, and they are still happily accepting A) visitors who just want to hang out and spectate and B) any person who wants to try out the sport of MMA. Grab a HUD, get someone who knows what you're doing to train you, and Voila... you're kicking ass.

Well... in my case, it was "Voila... you get punched out of the ring," or "Your avatar was beaten unconscious." But I digress...

Bad Azz Gym held an auction recently to benefit some MM-themed charity that may have involved the gym's rent. They do this periodically, so you can pop in and check it out some night. There are several advantages to shelling out some Ls to have a MMA fighter as your date for the evening. Among them are:

- If you get mugged, you don't lose valuable time arguing over which of you will stand up to him.

- If you're watching Jeopardy and the Daily Double concerns how to break someone's arm, you can pretty much start spending the money.

- If you want to look petite, date a 350 pound martial artist.

- Most importantly, you support a fine gym in a fledgling industry,

Of course I offered myself up for auction. I'm the one in the red and black up in the pics up yonder. Qhilw I'm married IRL, I'm not above an evening of touring SL and settling old scores. I'm about 3-25 as a wrestler, so it is really not beyond my capacity to hire a MMA guy and sic him on, say, Katsumi from Zaw's Sports.

Unfortunately, all the other girls were prettier than I was... and they were better Ultimate Fighters, which carries more weight than you think it would in a MMA environment. I don't think I got a bid, until one of the dudes who runs the gym coughed up 500 Ls (I have pantyhose that cost more than that, but whatever) after I shouted something along the lines of "Buying me is the equivalent of taking out a classified ad in the SL Enquirer!"

To make matters worse, when I went over to meet my date (the very polite and decent Derrick Cult of Bad Azz Gym), he was like "Uhmm.. I'm spoken for." So I went to a tavern and got cyber-snookered with some lesbian clothes designer. She outdrank me, and I'm now on the hook for a 1000 L leotard in a French flag pattern.

The one positive note among the public humiliation I suffered was that some flaw in the auction process allowed me to gain posession of the money that was spent to auction me off. I was gonna give it back... but I have a leotard to pay for, you see. They'll be OK.

I'll be sticking with the blood sports next week, as- unless I stumble onto something really cool- I'll provide you with the eagerly-anticipated update on my wrestling training.

Until then... Adieu!