SLE Sports

There exist certain cultural archetypes that simply scream "AMERICA" at a person from abroad. For instance, I can recall being greatly disappointed when I moved to America and found out that no one here (Massachusetts) was a Cowboy. I had this whole visual working back in France, you see...

America is large enough to support several of these iconic figures, and nowhere else on Earth does one see a proper Hillbilly, Valley Girl, or Gangsta Rapper.. and when you see a Serbian rapper, you know he's going to suck pretty hard. They also don't have Cheerleaders.

Cheerleading has been called "the most quintessential of American sports" by no lesser authority than Newsweek. There are over 1.5 million cheerleaders of both professional and collegiate status, and perhaps 20 times that number if you start counting high schools and children's cheering. ESPN gives it several hours a week, and at least one big movie has been based on the Art of the Rah.

In fact, you really can't make a high school movie without a whole friggin' coven of them. Furthermore, I sort of feel cheated if I go to a football game and there isn't a human pyramid being built.

 Cheerleading began in Minnesota during 1898, but it caught on quickly. It was all male until 1923, but it is 98% female now. The NFL debuted cheerleaders in 1960, and the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders came to prominence with several Super Bowl appearances in the 1970s. The modern era of cheerleading has seen the addition of more physical and heavily choreographed routines. The guy who invented cheerleading back in the 1900s wouldn't recognize it today, and it would most likely give him a stiffy.

All this history culminated in my visit to the Second Life Cheerleading Squad complex. I was impressed- and I don't impress easily- when I saw the works on this pizza. The SLCS has a training room, what looks like a 40,000 seat practice arena, a retail store, a series of offices, a night club, a reception/information area, and enough electronics to land a 747. They work with several SL sports teams, and also send girls out on G-rated promotional events.

It was easy to sign up, and I was being helped within minutes of my arrival at the Compound. It was still under construction during my training, but it should be done by the time you read this.

They even have a website. Don't believe me? Peep this.... www.slcheerleadingsquad.com

There are 15 active cheerleaders at the SLCS, and about 30-40 alternates. They have two trainers, and could accomodate whoever wants to apply. A steady flow of new trainees is why the new Complex is being built.

There are about a dozen trainees currently being whittled through... myself included, because that's how this column works. I train in a group of 6 or so that meets for an intensive hour every week. Our instructor is Louisiana's own Flitter Breen, one of the co-captains. She has us doing splits, backflips, handsprings, trampolines, balance beams, and something called Line Walking that looks fairly easy until you've goofed it up in public a few times.

We also get psychological training, where Flitter explains that Some Men Are Pigs, and that we're to IM a co-captain if someone starts offering us 500L to show our Pom Poms. We also learned the differences bewteen being Sexy and being Sexual. Cheerleaders are friendly, pretty girls dancing in short skirts.. and that is the absolute designed limit on the sexuality of the art. SLCS would 100% G-rated if it were a movie.

If you think that Cheerleaders are just dumb skirts who exist primarily to provide the Quarterback with a girlfriend who keeps the same basic hours that he does, I invite you to come down to the SLCS complex (landmark on their website) and sign up for a few training session.

Take a look at the Cheerleding HUD, which looks like you should be able to launch a nuclear strike with it. Do some roadwork on their treadmill, which is hooked up to a complex program designed to reinforce Formation training. Watch the iron-fisted rule of Flitter as she trains the newcomers... few things cut to the bone more deeply than that pleasant-sounding scolding that Southern girls do. I fully expect to be cut from the squad for Incompetence, and I have a wall simply covered with IRL diplomas and certifications.

Even if I make the Squad, I'll be starting out as an Alternate. My principal duty will be to Look Pretty and greet visitors to the complex. I won't go out onto the field until I've trained for a long time with the Varsity. It's better for all of us this way.

One last thing.... try Line Walking, which is the only Cheerleader thing that can be done without the HUD. Go somewhere with some space, hold down the SHIFT key, and move left or right with the arrow keys. Enjoy!